There are moments when i feel its presence
loneliness , standing next to me silently watches,
dark as a shadow it follows me around the house
as hours drag by on it’s tired feet, i give up ignoring it.
On nights of light drizzle and darkened sky,
when i watch out of my room at asphalt jungle,
looking like a giant spider spreading it’s web ,
it stands close to me , my silent companion.
In dreary summer evenings when i lay awake in my bed
thinking of days gone by, days of my innocence,
it stays beside me ,i hold on to it closely,
and it’s all enveloping silence reassures me.
I think of mindless giggles and ironic laugh,
Of Cultured talk and artificial smiles,
Of unaired views and real desperation,
Of false hopes and murdered dreams.
Then i see it clearly, knowing well that
this empty loneliness will remain with me.
I surrender to it completely
and at once finds at peace with myself.
PS : I guess this was around the time when i was in CA and had loads of time to try my hand at things which i am generally scared of trying. This also included cooking and the infamous accident in the apartment which literally left it’s mark ,which still was there even we left the apartment after 2 years.No kidding . But i guess i have gotten better at cooking .Poetry ? Sadly ,not so much . But given the hopeless optimistic that i am , may be one day i will.
I have a confession to make. I have this one weird habit .I know few of you who know me a little would be saying to themselves – what? Just one??? Yes, sir. I have many but lets talk about just one here. I rarely have dreams. Just does not happen to me. Only when i am deeply disturbed which is not that often. In fact I can count the number of days I have dreamt in my adult life as they are so few and far between. Also they match with the phases when i was emotionally disturbed. When i say disturbed I should make it clear that it includes both the periods when I was really excited or happy about something in my life or really worried or sad about something. But then you would say, well that is not so uncommon. What is so weird about this? There are many who just don’t have dreams. Well wait. Let me bring out the second part of this weird habit. When I dream, I dream full-length movie plots only. I am not kidding, I do. Not any particular genre that i favor in my dreams. It seems all genres are welcome in my dreams. I have thought about it but still don’t see why that should happen. Many a times i would be waking up middle of the night trying to remember the movie I just watched for free in my dreams. Sometimes I would remember bits and pieces of it after waking up; sometimes I would remember the whole thing. I would go back to my sleep and by morning i would have forgotten all about.
Well the reason i am writing about it is because it again happened two weeks back. But this time I woke up around 3:30 in night picked my iPad and wrote the damn plot down and mailed myself. Here is the screenshot of the mail.
If you don’t understand anything from the screenshot and think it does not make sense, you are correct. Yes, it does not make sense to me also. But i am sure there’s a super hit movie plot somewhere inside my mind that one day i would dream about and then wake up and write down. So i am not worried about first failed attempt to capture my movie dreams. But i am really interested in knowing what Freud would have thought about dreaming movie plots.Lastly i would leave you with the link to this lovely site – http://weirdhabit.com/. May our tribe increase.
When I started reading this book two thing became apparent immediately: Ayn rand is not a great writer but she is a very powerful writer. What I am trying to say here is that a good novel leaves a impression on your mind of the time period it was written for, the protagonists it portrays .Let me give two examples. If you have read ‘Gone with the wind ‘, you can literally gleam through the pre and post war period when northern and southern states fought over slavery and you live through the character of scarlet o’ harra, you identify with her emotions, struggles, the conflicts playing in her mind. Another example is Tagore’s ‘Gora’ that takes you through Arya Samaj dominated Kolkata post sepoy mutiny. This main protagonist ‘Gora’ and his struggles towards self discovery .In both the cases you are taken on a journey of the time period the book is set but it’s not the case with ‘Fountain Head ‘. If you read through the lines it’s just a tool used by Rand to propagate her philosophy of ‘Objectivism’. Writing is pretty average though very persuasive in the same way modern day spiritual gurus are. Instead of formal sermon novel is being used as the medium here.
If we agree that this book is very persuasive then next question why so? This has sold million of copies. Ayn rand is most popular with young people. What is in it that attracts so many? Her work represents a glorification not only of the human potential but also of the possibilities of life on earth. It talks about champions individualism and capitalism over collectivism and socialism. This has a immediate attraction to youth. Youth starved of a vision that upholds positive possibilities of life .Ayn rand gives them that .she tells them to fight for their own lives and for their own integrity and for their own ambitions. She provides a powerful affirmation of the immense possibilities of human life on this earth .I believe it’s the same reason why you and other friends of mine are attracted to her writing.
The essence of her objectivism philosophy in her own words is – “My philosophy, in essence, is the concept of man as a heroic being, with his own happiness as the moral purpose of his life, with productive achievement as his noblest activity, and reason as his only absolute”. If we put it down above statement to bullet points -
(1) Reality is objective .It rejects faith, love, feeling, emotions, instinct, intuition etc. .
(2) One should always follow reason and never think or act contrary to reason.
(3) Moral principles are also objective and can be known through reason.
(4) Every person should always be selfish.
(5) Capitalism is the only just social system.
Can you see my problem with the Philosophy above? Ok, let me start one by one.
Rand’s own word – “Poverty is not a mortgage on the labor of others – misfortune is not a mortgage on achievement – failure is not a mortgage on success – suffering is not a claim check, and its relief is not the goal of existence – man is not a sacrificial animal on anyone’s altar nor for anyone’s cause – life is not one huge hospital”.
Per Rand just because some one is little weak, poor or need help, it does not mean that you should stop your work of achieving your rational self interest and help him. That’s what objectivism tells. Problem with this is that it ignores ‘collective self interest’ where we pay tax or form rules or donate money etc. because there is every chance that misfortune may befall us some day and we may need help.
Rand talks about an economy theory where there is no government interference whatsoever. Per Rand it should only come in when any one breaks the law. But she does not tell what are these laws and who can set those. We had the rand’s ideal world during early days of industrial revolution when young kids worked 18 hours a day in inhuman conditions and died before adulthood. In those days government had no control over industries and did not set any laws for it.
Any form of extremism is bad .Ayn Rand’s objectivism theory is one such instance. Neither a extreme welfare state or extreme communism would work which have been proved in last one century .So also the fact that extreme capitalism don’t work. It would lead to anarchism ,a small section of society usurping all the opportunities and resources while rest of mass watch it helplessly . Infact is not it somewhat true even now .
Having said that I do believe that there are many facets of objectivism, which should be applied in moderation in life.Any thing that talks about individuals working towards achieving their true and maximum potential without fear and interference is welcome .But i do believe individual do have to sacrifice self-interest for common greater good or collective self interest. The tricky part is it’s not always clear when it should happen .
In the end will leave you with a of the interview clippings of Ayn Rand. She looks like cold, stiff and awkward Russian housewife. Just the way I had pictured her while reading the book.
PS: This is an inspired one. Woke up at 4 in morning some time back and wrote this one. I remember being really excited and happy that night for no apparent reason and had to pen that down .
I will be back and this time someone will take notice.Just like Uday chopra ,I have not given up trying.I would be back soon and dish out my kind of trash.But unlike him I have given up on the idea of any one noticing me doing so.
Being a movie aficionado (i am going to practice pronouncing this word at home today, sounds really cool, is not it?),i have always looked forward to all kinds of Cinematic experiences. The only condition being that the movie should touch me somewhere .Recently the movie that did this for me is ‘Desi SpiderMan’ .A fultoo masala movie made by a bunch of amateurs .Unlike the usual spoofs you see on net made by bored teenagers with zero imagination , the guys here have made an effort to do a professional job of it .I don’t know the motivation of spending that amount of money for launching a movie spoof on net. But being from IT sector, i do understand this fact better than others – “Log jaab khali hote hain, timepass ke liye kuch bhi kar sakte hain ” .
Shot in Ghaziabad, possibly on the pocket money of few guys looking for a cure to their itchy creative side. From the look of it ,seems like all the guys who have put their money in it, have also acted in it .Even though none of them are as talented as a Arjun Rampal or a Bhusan kumar. But what they lack in acting talent ,they make up with their imagination and innocense.Some of the facial expressions and dialogues are totally original. Sample this one below. Watch the movie if you want to know the circumstance which warrants heroine to give such expressions!
The movie is brain child of a few select persons who keep appearing in the credits ,again and again .There is this One guy called ‘Surendra Hinabar’ who is credited for story ,screenplay,dialouge,lyrics,playback ,direction .I am sure he swept the floors too .What i liked about this movie is that Hinabar has tried to put every hindi masala into the spoof .It has romantic track ,item number ,rain dance ,non related comedy track,dishum dishum fights ,bhagwan se fariyad scene, amir ladki gareeb ladka angle ,dacoits ,terrorists and so much more.Hinabar did not stop there .The movie have message too. Infact it has every other conceivable message that you would have seen in hindi movies .We have message for corrupt netas and police, eve teasing hooligans,kamchor teachers ,terrorists ,children, patriotism and so on .
One of highlights of the movie is the ‘SpiderMan’ title song .It has catchy lyrics, funny dance steps and great music.I’m a total fan of this number. Bappi da ,would have been proud of this number !
The way our simpleton hero turns to spiderman aka ‘nakab posh bandar’ is amazing .No special effects ,only special imagination ! You can see this special imagination everywhere in the movie . You need great conviction and courage to show the world what you are made of. Surendra Hinabar is such a man .He did not let small things like lack of talent or money stop him.
But what I like most is the confidence of this man Hinabar to put this message.
tumhe yaad karte hain sard raatoin ki bhojalpann main tappati dopeher ki khalipann main tumhe yaad karte hain aur muskurra dete hain
tumhe yaad karte hain jaab sham-e-aasma main chand ko deykhain subhe ki pehli oosh main lipti kalli deykhain tumhe yaad karte hain aur muskurra dete hain
P.S Wrote this one few months back after a long long time . May be when my wish of learning Urdu gets fulfilled i would dish out better stuff than this
. But i guess i have gotten better at cooking .Poetry ? Sadly ,not so much . But given the hopeless optimistic that i am , may be one day i will.
